Fighting Reality

It's been a while since I've seen her the last time. Approximately a month. But for me it's just like a few hours ago she kissed me on my bar. And she does again and again every night in my dreams. Why? I was not sure at this moment.

Jade has been in New York to join some important parties and meet even more important people... that's just what she does. But tonight she would be back again to support us with music at the skyline club. I tried to call her to ask if we could hook up before she needs to work. She didn't answer... I got a text message that said she'll be at the club at midnight. I couldn't wait.

I entered the skyline at 1:00 am, directly moving to the main floor where she performed. And I saw her... doing her job - making people dance. I went up to her. She looked so hot in that black outfit that I nearly couldn't breathe. She realised me, winked and gave me a sign. I should wait a moment. Then she put off her headphones and moved towards me. "Jessy-Girl, how are you? Give me a hug!" I did. And while doing that I smelled that perfume. A shower ran over my back.
"I'll be busy for another two hours. If you wanna wait I'll find you and we can have a drink afterwards". I agreed... not showing her how impatient I actually was.

After almost 3 hours I was still waiting for her. I decided to get her a tequila shot... maybe that would remind her of our special time at my place. I went back to the main floor and found her... talking to a girl. I knew that girl. One of that girlie groupies who follow jade to every party she perfoms. Jade took that strange girl's hand and led her backstage. What was she gonna do there?
I got curious and followed them, hid next to the stage, trying to get a view through the back door. I heard Jade's voice... saying something like "I really like your hair". I slightly moved towards the door and watched into the room. They were standing at the wall, face to face. It looked like Jade had pulled her against that wall. She stood in front of her, one arm leaning on the wall, the other one playing with that girl's hair. Now she got closer... and finally kissed her.

I felt like someboby strangled me... and suddenly some questions came into my mind. Questions which I never wanted to think about.

Am I insane to believe that she would ever refer to me as more than a friend?
why do I care so bad?
why does that hurt?
Am I in love with Jade Pistol??


I nearly began to scream... thoughts got weird in my head. Was she really kissing that girl? Was that reality? I found no way to deal with it, I needed to rearrange my thoughts and I know it sounds crazy but it seemed to me like I had no alternative but to fight reality...